The sexless innkeeper – Poem & Video

Twas the night before New Years
and the weather grew mean
It was three in the morning
and I was stranded in Queens!

The tavern grew empty
the gaslights grew dim
the horse-drawn carriages
were all but snowed in.

Last call was approaching
and my fortunes looked bleak
then I turned to my left
and stifled a shriek.

She had a peach fuzz beard
and weighed sixteen stone
She gobbled up hot wings
and swallowed the bones.

I muffled a scream
and threw up in my mouth
I asked, “where do you live?”
and she said, “one block south.”

I swallowed my pride
and six shots of whiskey
and prayed to the gods
that she wasn’t too frisky

Back in her cave
She prepared us a snack
‘neath her mighty hooves
the floorboards did crack.

But when she returned
she found a sound sleeper
and thus she became
the sexless innkeeper.

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